Browsing the archives for the Huffington Post tag

5 Jun 13

Religious Crusade Against Boy Scouts?

by Robert V. Taylor

Robert V. Taylor

This opinion piece was first published in Huffington Post, May 31, 2013

The controversy over the Boy Scouts welcoming gay youth is being fueled by religious purveyors of judgment and condemnation. Ironically it is the Boy Scout values of compassion and respect that reflect a more generous spirit of inclusion.

I am no fan of the decision to allow gay youth to be members of Boy Scout troops while disallowing the leadership and service of adults who happen to be gay. It is a disingenuous double standard. However, the decision of the Boy Scouts looks enlightened when compared to the religious and cultural war that some religious leaders and institutions are trying to wage on scouting and gay youth.

Earnest Easley, a Southern Baptist pastor and chair of his denomination’s executive committee, is one of these warriors according to USA Today. Claiming that homosexuality is a sin and using spurious cut and paste theology to support a prejudice against LGBT people, a self-righteous crusade has been launched to sever ties between faith based groups and the Scout troops that they sponsor.

Sadly this is a re-run of old scripts in which religious texts have been used to support slavery, the denigration of women, the denial of civil rights and anti-immigrant fervor. Whatever happened to the more robust core values of love and justice?

In fairness, the warriors like Earnest Easley, do not speak for all religious institutions or leaders. Mike Schuenemeyer of the United Church of Christ is quoted in the USA Today article saying that the new Boy Scout policy will lead his organization to more actively promote sponsorship of scouting troops across the country.

The new assaults on the Boy Scouts and gay youth are at best mean-spirited and reveal a stunning lack of love and compassion. At worst they trifle with the lives of young people and their families as they struggle with questions of sexual identity.

As a young Scout I lived with the fear of anyone discovering that I was struggling with what it meant to be gay. My love of Scouting and my own worth as a human being seemed destined to be in conflict. While I survived those struggles far too many gay youth choose to commit suicide. The messages of condemnation and hatred being reinforced by religious warriors have an impact on those young people and fuel the bullying and violence directed toward them.

Data from the Pew Research Center reveals that 70 percent of Millennial’s (those between eighteen and thirty-two years old) support same-gender marriage. They reject the rationale of the battles being played out over the Boy Scouts’ policy shift.

Pew data also reveals that 25 percent of Millennial’s reject any formal religious affiliation. Among the reasons given are religion’s perceived obsession with judgmental orthodoxies and exclusion.

Those waging war on the Boy Scouts and gay youth may appeal to their own narrow base but their chosen battle is designed to reinforce the views of a significant number of young people who choose a more generous and inclusive way of life for all.

Ironically the core values of the Boy Scouts offer a more humane and spiritual approach to the storm in a teacup over gay scouts.

Those values are about compassion and respect. The Boy Scouts shine a light on being kind and considerate to others and working for the well-being of all. They emphasize showing regard for the worth of something or someone. Those core values offer respect and compassion without qualification.

I’d support those values and the decision of the Boy Scouts over the religious warriors — any day!

Add your comments below or directly on the Huffington Post blog site

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14 Feb 13

Jilt Your Lover!

by Robert V. Taylor

This blog was first published on Huffington Post, February 13, 2013

I remember the days of waiting for the Valentine card that never arrived. I had not learned the secret that loving myself unconditionally was the most attractive way to find a lover! If you live with conditional love of yourself do not obsess about waiting for a Valentine charm to arrive. Instead jilt that conditional lover who lives inside you.

My Buddhist friends remind me that the near enemy of love is conditional love.  That’s because conditional love is a transactional relationship – I will “love” you if you do what I want, demand or expect. Our lives are filled with transactional relationships that are necessary for navigating everyday work and life. Confusing these with love is toxic to your well-being and your health.

Many of us have learned to equate love with “making nice.”  So we make excuses by saying that a lover or friend “means well” or has your welfare at heart. It is a formula for frustration, anger, disappointment and becoming a bystander to your own life.

Conditional love should never be confused with the real thing. In the love compromises we make – consciously or not – it is all too easy to assume that conditional love is “normal.” You may choose to endure it but there is another choice. The lover inside of you who thinks this is normal must be jilted to make room for unconditional love.

My life coach once gave me a homework assignment that at first I thought was trite. I stood in front of a full size mirror every day and looked at myself while verbalizing out loud something magnificent, lovely, generous, kind, loving, lively, spirited or funny about myself.  At first I was terrified. It brought back memories of being teased as an adolescent for being chunky and my dislike of my self-image of being fat.

This simple exercise was far from trite! With each utterance I began to develop new empathy, compassion and love towards myself. Unless I knew what the mirror reflected back to me about the magnificent qualities of my own life I would always be looking into someone else’s mirror for love, approval and acceptance. I was moving from conditional to unconditional love.

Robert V. Taylor

As a result of this discovery I began to surround myself with those who love unconditionally. This is not the same as selecting people in our lives who will be uncritical.  Instead it is choosing a path on which the fullness of your magnificence and shadow side are acknowledged, creating new tenderness toward your own self.  When you do that you intuitively connect with those who have no desire to spend their lives living conditionally because they have also done the work that allows them to love others in their fullness.

In jilting the conditional lover inside I’ve discovered that the arc of our stories reveal wisdom and truth. The stories that shape and form us are a reminder that we are part of something much larger than ourselves. It is the consciousness that loving with abandonment is the marker of how fully alive you choose to be.

It starts within each of us. Your story and mine each contain elements of wonder, shame, regret, joy and more. Many of us have learned to compartmentalize these elements resulting in living with a half-script about ourselves. When you embrace the many elements of your story into one integrated narrative several things happen. You develop compassion toward yourself. You identify those in your story who have been wisdom, truth and love bearers. You develop gratitude for the love in which you hold your story. When you embrace your story, it complements what the mirror exercise reveals.

This is crucial to your ability to jilt the conditional lover who desperately tries to avoid eviction from your heart and head spaces. In owning and claiming your story you cease to search for the “dream lover” who will fulfill your needs. You are no longer a conditional person willing to accept the crumbs of conditional love as “normalcy.”  Your energy and being start to radiate the unconditional love that grounds who you are.

In this new consciousness of loving with abandonment you no longer hope for that Valentine card that never arrives. Instead Valentine’s Day is everyday – it is the energy that draws you to the lover who loves unconditionally as you do.  It is a way of being fully alive. A way of loving love!

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23 Jan 13

Tips to Claim Your Authentic Voice

by Robert V. Taylor

Robert V. Taylor

This blog first appeared on Huffington Post, January 23, 2013

I once believed that my voice was insignificant. Surely no one was that interested in my story or the way it shaped my views. It was a way of living with a half-script of my life. The Universe needs the fullness of your voice and the human family thrives when we each claim our voice.

Choose to be a participant rather than a victim. Victim-hood is not pretty or life-giving. It feeds on dullard choices and creates a cycle of spiritual, emotional and intellectual poverty. We become bystanders to our own lives. Instead of nursing victim-hood, life invites us to be full, active participants.

It begins with knowing that in the many elements of your story – the wonder, shame, regret and joy – ancient wisdom and Universal spiritual truths are revealed. Over many years I discovered that holding all the aspects of my story together allows new light to be shone on their interwoven circle of truth.

Instead of allowing others to define or diminish me I discovered that my story and voice are a gift. They connect me with unexpected people because our authentic stories offer a meeting ground. When I claim my voice the connecting stories reveal that my story is never just about me. It is about our need of one another.

What will you give your heart to each day? It’s all too easy to allow the day and its demands to define you. Choose instead to be expectant about the day. I begin each day with a simple reminder of the word I’ve chosen to be my guide for the year. This year that word is Awe.

I remind myself and the Universe that I am aware and open to awe in the day ahead. It may be in the dancing light of sunrise the beauty of a small park I pass by or the sight of a flock of birds. Or awe might be discovered in the wisdom a stranger, the kindness of a colleague or the playfulness of my Labrador.

Awe is present at the end of the day when I take a few moments to name the awe that I have experienced, marveling at it and giving thanks. The awe of life that I give and open my heart to becomes a blessing on the day that is ending.

How will you greet and embrace the day? In my work I’ve discovered that my own voice is shaped by making a mindful intention each day. Years ago I woke up on one of those numbingly grey and wet Seattle days and a torrent of complaints spewed out of my mouth. This was not like my usual enthusiasm for the day. My spouse calmly said, “Wow! Perhaps you can create your own sunshine today?”

It’s all too easy to allow negative thoughts, anxiety or even fear of the day to be overwhelming. On those days we become strangers to ourselves and others. As I remind myself each day of my word for the year I offer an intention to be awake, aware and open to the goodness of others and the day.

Celebrate time! I may have no ultimate control over the flow of time but how I view time is life-shifting. Time is a companion to be celebrated.

Having coffee with a friend or talking on the phone to a cherished person in my life is something I view as a feast in my day. Choosing to let go of looking at my smart phone or tablet is a choice to be present to the moment in those feasts. I’m able to enjoy or luxuriate in the feast at hand.

Celebrating time as a companion is a choice about letting your authentic voice enter the flow of life. My gratitude is expressed each day for time serving others or being with friends, family or colleagues. It might also include celebrating time for creativity or time alone. Each becomes an expression of celebrating the rhythm of the Universe.

In each of these four ways I am reminded of how essential my authentic voice, along with that of others, is to being alive and human. How will you live a full-scripted life by claiming your authentic voice?

Post your comments below or directly on the Huffington Post site!

 

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6 Dec 12

by Robert V. Taylor

This blog first appeared in the Huffington Post, December 3, 2012

Imagine Rachel Crow’s Mean Girls meeting the political bullies of American politics. The corrosive polarization and resulting disengagement that exists in America begs for leadership that rebuilds a civil civic conversation. Mean Girls offers some pointers for a path through the existing morass of the bully culture.

Bullies employ a variety of techniques to achieve their objective of getting what they want with scant regard for others. Spreading rumors or innuendo, diminishing another person or excluding another person are as common techniques of bullies as the more publicized physical and cyber-attacks on another.

Many reality shows create a psycho-social context in which bullying thrives. These bully shows that are part of our cultural landscape elevate bullying to an acceptable norm of behavior. When political, religious or other leaders engage in bully tactics the expected outcry is muted because bullying has become, according to experts, the most common form of violence in the United States.

Rachel Crow’s video Mean Girls has gone viral with 5 million views on YouTube for a reason. The video names the bullying culture experienced and promoted by young girls and offers some advice to end it. Our political leaders might each watch it for inspiration. It offers the wisdom that any hope of ending the bully culture lies in our hands through the choices that we make.

These lyrics from “Mean Girls” are a basic primer for anyone who wants political discourse and decision making to be elevated to a state of higher regard than it is now.

Do you want to know what I think? Our political discourse has scant regard for differing perspectives other than trying to eviscerate them. The aggressive bullying behavior of achieving your own ends for short term gain might win pyrrhic victories but it is no way to sustain a civil society.

Dignifying difference and attentive listening are useful counterpoints. The unprecedented levels of polarization in American life will shift only to the degree that we embrace the reality that a policy position we disagree with is not heinous because it is at odds with our own. It is in the bazaar of ideas that robust, opinionated discussion improves your thinking and argument.

Curiosity — whether intellectual, emotional or spiritual — and the capacity to listen attentively convey something at odds with the bully’s scant regard of another person. It is the awareness that we need one another in order to be human. When we are genuinely curious to know what others think the capacity for civil engagement expands exponentially.

I can’t believe I let it go so far. The girls in Rachel Crow’s video have a moment of realization. Instead of remaining silent, averting their eyes, ignoring the bullying or being passive they have a choice. Not unlike those who have been in an abusive or co-dependent relationship they have a realization that bullying is not and never should be the acceptable norm.

They choose a different normal. Embracing a new normal dethrones the bully from her or his self-created seat of power. The bully culture in our politics survives because we have chosen to allow their idolatrous thrones of shimmering glass to delude us. We have the choice to admit that we have let the bullies go too far.

Robert V. Taylor and USF Tampa students

Be Kind. Pairing political discourse with kindness might be an oxymoron to many. In Mean Girls young women hold their palms up into the air with the words “Be Kind” written on them as if offering a prayerful intention.

While many yearn for the political culture of bullying to be replaced with constructive engagement and legislative policy achievements surely it is not unrealistic to expect that a civility of kindness or goodness permeate the work? Beyond the demonizing, most leaders in public service entered their work with a desire to do good. Creating such a norm of behavior would be an exercise in leadership.

“Mean Girls” you no longer run my world. It is a declaration of taking responsibility and not ceding power to the bullies. Those who make their living by fomenting a culture of bullying may not appreciate this claiming of personal power and expectations about our civic life. The girls in the video do not care about ruffling the feathers of bullies. They have imagined a new normal and chosen a different path. We could do much worse than try to emulate them.

Mean Girls has gone viral because it identifies and names the bullying that we have allowed to upend our discourse and view of one another as Americans. A different future is possible in which leaders lead and the common good is celebrated in the midst of vibrant, fulsome debate. Mean Girls offers some pointers. The choice is in our hands.

How do you respond to bullying? Post your thoughts, comments and ideas below or directly on the Huffington Post link to this blog!

 

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22 Sep 12

Romney’s Compassion Void – Turning Americans Against One Another

by Robert V. Taylor

Robert V. Taylor

This blog first appeared in Huffington Post September 20, 2012

Denigrate, disdain and disparage the 47% all you like Governor Romney. Among them are my American heroes. I invite you to meet some of these inspiring, iconic and irreplaceable members of the American family. Your humility and character will be tested as they invite you to withdraw those dismissive labels of “dependent” and “victim”.

I’m not easily outraged but your comments successfully turned my evening TV meal with Anderson Cooper into searing outrage. A few weeks ago I was impressed by the testimonials at your nominating convention describing you as a kind, generous man with compassion for those in need or trouble. Even though I do not share many of your views I thought kindly of you, Mrs. Romney and your family. The video chat about the 47% made me wonder if this was the same Mitt. The compassion void was incomprehensible.

I’m outraged because for almost thirty years I have worked with people who are in your 47%. I’ve led initiatives to improve their lives and participation in the American Dream.

Many are people on the edge trying to survive, hoping and working for a better future – of course there are always a few who abuse any system –but the overwhelming majority are not “victims “. Who would want to be –how does it feel to not have a job or earn enough to do want you want for your kids, or worry about how to survive on Social Security, unless you have a family that gives you a home or start in life which is where much financial stability comes from.

The homeless I’ve worked with for 20 plus year, the Vietnam Vets with HIV, the single mothers putting their kids in day care because they don’t have grandparents who can care for the kids, the grandmother raising her grandkids and working three jobs to do it they are my heroes! I’ll stick by their side any day and count it and the as a privilege and blessing.

Governor Romney

Governor, none of these people view themselves as a victim. They choose not to be. They do not have time to be victims. They are too busy trying to survive day to day never mind paycheck to paycheck. They have pride, joy, accomplishment, satisfaction just as you and those in the 1% do.

I came to the United States as an immigrant thirty-two years. The promise of America for us immigrants is way better than this. The American people are not like this, dishing people. I used to think that the once famously more moderate Romney might reappear if he was elected. Now I fear that you are capable of tearing apart our shared humanity by seeing some of us Americans as less than fully human.

As a partnered gay man I now understand that you have cast a wider net of exclusion than that revealed by your demeaning rejection of LGBT people. Your disdain, dislike and disparagement now embraces 47% of the American people – mostly the elderly, those on disability, retired veterans and the working poor who earn too little to pay taxes even while paying payroll taxes.

How about celebrating the people on social security who struggle to survive but who have worked hard with dignity, or the family that is receiving benefits because their child is terminally ill with no family to bail them out, or the disabled veterans who we sent to war and who employers refuse to hire.

The America I chose to become a citizen of and the America I love does not cast people aside or consign them to the rubbish dump of human history. We are better than this! I’m hoping you are too Governor.

I invite your comments below!

 

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22 Sep 12

Freedom to Marry – the Moral & Spiritual Arc of Inclusion?

by Robert V. Taylor

This blog first appeared in  Huffington Post September 19, 2012 and the Seattle Gay News September 21, 2012

I came to the USA in search of freedom and in admiration of a country whose foreign policy in 1980 was viewed through the lens of advancing human rights. When voters in Washington State approve Referendum 74 this November giving lesbian and gay couples the freedom to marry, the moral and spiritual arc of the Universe will once again bend towards inclusion. New light will be shed on what human rights and freedom.

My husband and I have a vantage point of living both in Seattle and on a farm in rural Eastern Washington. Three years ago when we made that decision many Seattle friends worried what it would be like for us to be in what they labeled “Redneck country.” Surely, they said, it would be difficult to live outside the progressive liberal bubble of Seattle.

Yes there are differences between these two parts of the State. But our Eastern WA circle of acquaintances which includes farmers, cowboys and ropers as well as people in the wine industry, never makes us question our full inclusion as a couple.

Some whom we know will be voting for the Romney-Ryan ticket and to approve the referendum that will permit the legislation allowing same gender couples to marry to become the law of the State. While I cannot understand how someone can vote for a Presidential ticket so adamantly opposed to LGBT people as they vote to approve R-74, I have come to appreciate a factor that is at work for such people. In their eyes R-74 is about upholding the intrinsic values of freedom. For many of those, freedom to marry is colored by the loving relationships of gay and lesbian couples they personally know.

The latest tracking polls reveal that there is a statistical dead heat among voters in Eastern WA about approving or rejecting this November’s ballot initiative. To many in the Seattle area this is staggeringly good news about a part of the State that they had written off with dismissive labels.

Some religious leaders, including the notoriously homophobic Ken Hutcherson of Antioch Baptist Church in Kirkland WA, are promising to launch a new petition drive to overturn the law if the voters approve referendum 74. The organization Preserve Marriage Washington is actively recruiting conservative pastors with advice on how churches can avoid an IRS audit for financially supporting the defeat of the initiative.

Joining these groups, the State’s Roman Catholic Bishops opine that approval of freedom to marry is an assault on religious liberty. This, in spite of the fact that the legislation in question makes explicit exemptions for religious organizations retaining the existing conscience clause to choose whom to marry or not. In defiance of Seattle’s Archbishop, his own Cathedral and two parishes have refused to distribute materials from the Archdiocese urging rejection of the referendum.

I think of the couples whose unions I have blessed since the 1990’s and their joy in having their love and partnership receive a sacred blessing. I suspect most of them yearn for the day in which a second-class status gives way to the freedom to choose marriage. They, like my spouse and I, have no desire to deprive or infringe on the freedom of others when we know too well the costs of the journey to freedom.

Tiers of freedom in which some are relegated to a lesser status is no freedom at all. Alongside the great movements to end slavery, extend the vote to women and the successful struggle over Civil Rights, freedom to marry expands what it means to be part of the human family.

The radiant promise of freedom and human rights that drew me to the United States in 1980 will become brighter when the voters of Washington State affirm that freedom affirms the freedom to marry. It will be a celebration of the moral and spiritual arc that always bends toward inclusion!

I invite you to post your comments below!

 

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21 Jul 12

Aurora – No More!

by Robert V. Taylor

Robert V. Taylor

This blog first appeared on Huffington Post, July 21, 2012

Beyond the grief and despair over the Aurora massacre lays an invitation – to say “No more!” There is oneness in our responses of disbelief and anger to a massacre of those watching a movie in Aurora, Colorado. What if we believed in the possibility and power we possess to change the conversation about gun control?

Like many I’ve lit a candle for those killed and injured and for their loved ones. I’ve mindfully said out loud the name of each person killed where that information is known. Along with others I keep the grieving and perplexed family members in my intentions.

I’ve been surprised by the responses to my question about why we are still debating the need for tighter gun control restrictions. I know and appreciate that there are a range of views on this issue held by good, decent and thoughtful people. But I’m troubled by the despairing helplessness of so many who say that our political leaders refuse or are too scared to address the issue or that the debate is so polarized with entrenched arguments that their voice is insignificant.

They’re legitimate feelings but they are a cop-out.  They are a marker of disengagement and helplessness. Yes the political intransigence and cheap slogans of those on the extremes of the gun control debate are pervasive. But haven’t we allowed that by our silence? Instead be part of creating a new course of conversation.

Speak up. Your reactions to the Aurora massacre are vital. Give voice to them and the urgent need for a rational conversation about gun control. The Constitution is clear about the right of any citizen to bear arms but that is different than the arsenal of weapons that the Aurora killer was able to acquire legally. Your right, and that of every American, to safety and security without fear of being massacred is at issue.

Teach our leaders about civility. The name calling of those with opposing points of view denigrates public debate about issues and is nothing less than an abdication of leadership. Be clear that you expect adult conversation that is civil.  Call people out when civility is lacking. Model civility in the midst of different opinions.

Respect differing opinions.  Allowing others to be demonized because they do not share your view is the easiest way to cede your voice and power to those who have no intention of engaging in discussion that matches the seriousness of the massacres experienced in Aurora and Seattle among other places. Insist that our leaders frankly address the implications of their position so that the possibility of further Aurora’s become a remote possibility if not impossible.

Assume the goodness of others until proved otherwise.  Most leaders are in their fields because they have a desire to make the world a more just and better place. Engage them on gun control with that assumption. Be clear that you need to know how their position and actions will impact public safety and reduce the possibility of another Aurora massacre of innocent people.  Keep asking until they can tell you about expected impacts and results.

Our voice and imagination about how things might be are vital to our own humanity and the world needs the voice and imagination of each person – without it we are all deprived.  What we say, hope and do matters!

To speak up, model civility to our leaders, show them how to respect different opinions and assume the goodness of others is a life-giving way of honoring those injured and killed in the Aurora massacre and their loved ones. How will you claim the invitation that this tragedy invites to say, “No more!”

Join the conversation – post your comments below

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17 Jun 12

Slaying Emotional Vampires

by Robert V. Taylor

Robert V. Taylor

This blog first appeared on Huffington Post, June 12, 2012

Emotional Vampires are drawn to people with positive energy, insatiably soul-sucking your words and energy. They’re toxic and you do nothing positive to help them or yourself when you succumb to their insatiable needs. Detachment is good for you both.

It was a chilling question from the person who asked if I would get real and talk about slaying the emotional vampires in our lives. Slaying conjured up images of a drone attack or a video game. It conveyed an aggressive hostility that is at odds with detachment.

I responded by telling a story. When I first arrived in the United States I knew that I could not return home to South Africa because of my refusal to serve in the military that enforced apartheid at the time. For my own well-being I understood that I needed to create an extended family from scratch in my new home.

Shaun was one of those whom I believed would be part of this new family. My proactive engagement with him brought with it a slowly dawning consciousness that his energy was life-sapping. On my weekly calls to Shaun I would listen to a litany of complaints about those who had wronged, injured or offended him in some way that week. I would unthinkingly move into rescue mode and offer suggestions for how he might engage differently with the world around him.

After many months it dawned on me that the phone calls were unidirectional and that Shaun had little interest in making different choices in his life. In a moment of new awareness I realized that not only could I not save or rescue him but, all importantly, that was not my job! His toxicity was poisonous to me and my well-being as much as it was to him. I was in the presence of a soul-sucker.

Almost thirty years ago, it became my first intentional experience of detachment. I offered our acquaintanceship and the intention for Shaun’s well-being to the Universe. With love I released this relationship hoping that he would in time seek his highest good. It was a liberating moment for me. I later learned that it was for him too, free at last of listening to my well-intentioned advice!

There was a companion detachment. I detached from my own single-minded need and focus on creating extended family. With new awareness I discovered freedom in becoming mindfully aware about opportunities for organically extending my new American family. Instead of clutching at an idealized goal I was free to be embraced by and embrace the life-giving energy of those with whom mutual bonds of relationship occurred more seamlessly.

Two decades later Shaun and I reconnected. He observed a new ease about who I am. I discovered a man who had done equally important interior work resulting in his anger and distrust of others making way for a more expansive, generous way of life.

Instead of slaying emotional vampires, detachment allowed room for each of us to flourish and cultivate our own well-being. It is easy to understand the reactions of those who respond to the emotional vampires in their lives with umbrage, anger, ridicule and pain. Those feelings are real but in choosing to nurture them we imprison ourselves by connecting an IV line of life-draining energy to our own lives.

As I recounted this experience my questioner’s perplexed look gave way to an insight – “I don’t have to choose to do battle with the vampires do I?” she asked rhetorically. Indeed not! The mindful choice to detach is an infinitely more courageous, life-affirming choice. For all involved.

Join the conversation – post your comments below

Robert’s new book A New Way to be Human is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and your local Indie bookstore

 

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6 Jun 12

Gay Pride: Contagious and Mainstreamed by Obama

by Robert V. Taylor

Robert V. Taylor

This blog first appeared on Huffington Post June 5, 2012

Gay Pride month is contagious! It has become fearlessly mainstream thanks to President Obama’s unequivocal support of the view shared by increasing numbers of Americans about the freedom to marry. Together with the seismic shifts in public acceptance of LGBT people this year’s Gay Pride month is approached with new lenses.

My grandmother and her friends used the word gay to describe people who were happy or having a good time. In the Buddhist tradition happiness is about seeking the well-being of all people. In the Jewish tradition “shalom” is understood not as the absence of conflict but seeking the economic, emotional and spiritual well-being of others. It is about being complete and whole.

Pride month is a reminder of the desire to claim and seek the well-being of LGBT people. It also points to a wider, more fulsome desire for the well-being of all. In the era of identity politics, pride in our own identity is only as proud as the desire to acknowledge our need for the magnificence of each person to shine through about who they are. Anything less plays into the hands of those who for political or religious reasons seek to demonize and sow discord. Pride points to a higher truth of inclusion.

In the ethnic and cultural festivals celebrated in American cities communities proclaim their heritage, invite others to experience their culture while creating bridges of understanding. They invite the wholeness and well-being that results from new awareness about our inter-dependence.

A few years ago I stood among the hundreds of thousands lining Fifth Avenue in New York for the annual Puerto Rican Day Parade. It was a grand celebration of pride in claiming their place in the fabric of the life of New York and the United States. Although no one in my family is Puerto Rican I felt gratitude for the way in which my life in New York was enriched by that heritage. I was proud to be embraced by their pride and celebration.

While the annual observance of Black History Month is a celebration of the life of African-Americans it serves a unique role in inviting reflection on the history of an entire nation whose culture has been enriched by African-American even in the face of egregious injustices that still affect the national psyche. Pride is intermingled with the nuances of celebration, regret, recognition and remorse. Those reactions are given new meaning when there is a resolve that the past will give way to a pride-filled inclusion for the well-being of all.

President Obama’s historic endorsement of the freedom to marry has shifted the ground of what Gay Pride means. It marks the mainstreaming of LGBT Americans. It also plays catch-up with how Gay Pride has transformed how we think of ourselves as LGBT people and how our families, colleagues and neighbors view us.

To be sure, homophobia and discrimination still exist. The persistence of bullying of LGBT youth is insidious. These realities do not do anything to further the well-being of LGBT Americans. For many, Pride celebrations are a reminder of the legislative and community actions still required to end such ignorance, hate and discrimination.

The President’s statement reflects what Pride has accomplished. When individuals organize to express pride, often across lines of division within the LGBT community, they declare a healthy self-acceptance that also point to accepting difference within their own community. But Pride is not just about those of us who are gay.

Pride gives permission to others to come out of their closets and acknowledge that they have pride in a gay child, family member, colleague, classmate or neighbor. When LGBT people and those in their circles declare enough self-love about their own well-being by coming out we are all able to view each other though lenses of appreciation. In that moment the scary factor of the unknown “other” is replaced with a new normalcy.

It’s why the upward curve of acceptance toward LGBT people and the right to marry continues to increase exponentially. Pride month invites celebration of the strides made towards inclusion and the well-being of LGBT people. It also invites us to actively pursue those same realities for all people.

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Robert’s new book A New Way to be Human is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and your local Indie bookstore


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4 Jun 12

Embracing Inclusion Banishes Fear

by Robert V. Taylor

Robert V. Taylor

A version of this blog first appeared on Huffington Post, May 26, 2012

Openly gay Air Force Cadet Graduates gift us with their pioneering courage! At personal cost they point to the truth that the moral arc of the Universe bends toward inclusion. Their courage is an invitation to trust in our own imagination and voice embracing inclusion that banishes fear.

President Obama was the speaker at the US Air Force Academy graduation in Colorado Springs where these newly graduated lesbian and gay cadets took their rightful place alongside their heterosexual classmates. How fitting that the President who secured the end to LGBT discrimination in the armed forces participated in this historic moment of the defense forces of the US once again leading the way on civil rights and inclusion just at it did decades ago in the work of desegregation.

For some of us the fearless courage of the new cadets is a given because we have made strides to live authentic, integrated lives in which we claim the fullness of our humanity. In decades to come people will look back at this moment wondering why it was a big deal. It is a seismic moment reminding us of the courage and self-love that it takes to step beyond whatever encloses us, keeping us from the fullness of our magnificence and well-being – no matter who we are.

Like many LGBT people my journey to coming out was a circuitous one. In the oppressive apartheid years of South Africa it felt physically unsafe to be out. In the years that followed in my new home in New York each step out of the closet to claiming my identity was matched with a half step back. It did not always feel emotionally and spiritually safe to be transparent. The bad advice of those who loved me, expressing concern for my welfare and employment as they urged me to be circumspect, was like a sedative keeping me from being fully human.

In a transformative moment I responded to the veiled threats of being outed and attacked for the sexual orientation that comprises a part of my identity. In my night sweats of fear about an imminent outing I discovered a wakeup call. No longer would I ever again live with the threat of denying my fullness. No longer would I freely give such power to others. Instead I made a choice to claim my story, voice and love just as these cadets have done.

It was a new moment on the road to living an integrated life. My sexual orientation would be as fully embraced as my love of cooking, exercise and mystery novels. It would become a co-equal identifier along with my Palestinian and South African heritage, my experiences as an exile and an immigrant. They would co-exist in unexpected new harmony.

My own fears were not about the people whom I loved rejecting me. They were all fears about those outside of my immediate circle of trust and love; fears of losing a job and being rejected as a community leader. In naming and befriending my fears their power to confine and define me was deflated.

The pioneering cadets who are out about who they are have probably not arrived at that truth without courage and struggle. The world needs their voices as much as the suspension of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” needs it in order to live into the promise of full inclusion without threat, fear or intimidation. Their personal struggles dealing with the dying remnants of homophobia as the institution they serve adapts to new realties will still be real. But they already know the enlivening freedom from fear.

Courage emerges from the self-love that demands your own well-being. These Air Force cadets invite others to give voice and imagination to the inclusive well-being of all.

Post your comments below

Robert’s new book A New Way to be Human is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and your local Indie bookstore

Read or post comments Posted in Active Being, Fully Human, Fully Alive, Making Sense, Finding Purpose, Polishing the World, Showing Up for Life, Spirited Conversations, Trusting Your Voice
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